i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So. Much. Porn.
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