Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
