i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
