ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize