it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
