Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
