I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize