she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
