I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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