don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
