Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you didnt know i had herpes?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
