I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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