no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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