Are we in a gay sports bar?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
