You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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