I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
