im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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