Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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