I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize