he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
