let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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