was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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