I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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