I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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