just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
