I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
