so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
