I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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