why didn't you poke me back
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
