After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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