Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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