i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
