woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
