It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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