Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
