how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
