He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
