everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
