you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
