the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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