She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
