i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize