the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
