Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
