can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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