This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
