Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize