bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
