i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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