he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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