just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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