So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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