i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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