So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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