Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
