pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
