so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
