P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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