Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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