Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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