Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
