The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
