Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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