k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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