I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
