Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
