i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
