I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I believe in your delicious
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
