there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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